I Paint My World The Way I Want It

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

ran 2.4 trial today..
leg pain now..
haha..
and mr leow ran with me when i was starting my last round..
funny..
and i had to keep up with his pace cos he told me to and i was quite stressed..
but he say he was running at my pace..
and he keep giving me alot of encouragements that i find quite useless till the end..
oops..
keep telling me to look at the trees, the hdb blocks, blah blah blah..
but i cant concentrate if i look..:P
the only thing gd was he told me to concentrate on my breathing..
and he told me how much dist i have left and when to run faster..
and i was forced to run faster..
but my timing turned out to be not bad!:)
haha..
thanks mr leow!!:)

getting very tired these few days even though i slp quite early..
dunno why..
hmm..
and i still gotta study for maths test on thurs..:(
yawns..

and i wanna watch L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha..

take lotsa care k?
dun fall sick!!!!!!!
haha..
i'll be there like you did for me de..:)
get well soon!!!

gotta go study now..:(((

tata..

Paint Splashed<3
10:42 PM

Monday, February 25, 2008

i think i'm doomed for the mental hospital..
its just sooner or later..
i'm damn stress when i come home..
cos i'm afraid i'll get scolded..
so i have to reach home on time and everything..
today went out with phebe to toa payoh..
she was damn happy cos the stuffs there were so cheap..
haha..
chatted alot with her and i felt very sad..
met ss at boon lay mrt station too..
such coincidence..
nvm..
i went home and everything was fine..
i think if my mum dun scold me for one day she wont be happy..
so i was washing the dishes..
and she scolded my dad for doing sth stupid..
and she came to the kitchen and suddenly ask me abt my cca..
ask whether i still go for it..
and i said no cos i use the time to study and stuff..
den it was hell..
she started scolding me abt it..
screamed at me..
say i waste money buy the gi and stuff..
she scolded me calling me all sorts of names and stuff..
call me a b****
like wtf..
and its not the first time..
and she scolded me abt him..
she can always link everything to him..

i feel like wth..
you cant live a day without scolding me is it???
and why do you have to always say bad things abt him??
i dun understand..
you make me feel so low..
the lowest i ever felt was at home..
yea..
freaking home..
everyday i have to listen to you insult him, criticise him, make fun of him..
and i have to listen to him tell me how he cant tolerate my parents..
what am i man???
i feel so stressed everyday..
school work, tests, family, him..
and yet all these stupid things are making me go crazy..
i go out, they not happy..
i stay home, he not happy..
what what what!!!
i talk to you happily and you just spoil it all by giving me your attitude..
i know you're stressed at work..
but talk nicely cannot ar?
its not the first time..
and how can i not care abt my parents???
pls la..
i cant okay???

i want time to just stop man..
let me be the only thing that can move..
i wanna spend my day alone..
freaking alone..
i hate it all..
and i am even more stressed after talking it out to phebe..
though i'm supposed to feel better la..

go visit me at woodbridge soon ppl..
i'm gonna explode soon le

and ya..
i'm not trying to make you feel upset or what..
i still love you for being there when i'm upset abt my family..
and i love you for lending me your shoulders to cry on..
and i love you for your presence when i need it..
and i love you for all the care and concern you show me..
i just wanna vent out my feelings here..
that's all..
smiles k?
cheep up..:)

Paint Splashed<3
10:31 PM

Sunday, February 24, 2008

second entry for the day!!!
since i got nothing much to do also so i'll just upload more pics!!!!
haha..
actually got spa tmr but i'll go study later..
really..
i promise!!!!
if not later he'll kill me for not studying..
hahaha..
oops..:P

so anyway..
here's the pics taken during my malaysia trip during cny..
mostly are taken at my hse there and the restaurant there..

my bro and my neighbour..

she loves coming over to play..

and ya this is my hse.. see the glimpse of the radio at the right corner of the pic?

its as old as my dad i think..:P

my mum and my cousin who's 12 yrs older than me!!

my mum, my bro with his stupid face and my sis..
taken at tanjung..
the seaside..

my cousin's family!!
she, her son and the father..
the son looks sooo much like his dad!!!

my smallest sis and my cousin's son..
his name's kian ee..
big head baby..:P

my another sis, me and kian ee..
he looks cute here..
but his head is still big..:PPP

my bro at the front yard of our hse..
posing with my dad's car..
haha.. funny boy..:)

my family!!
what's with my bro's face man..
haha..

that's all for now..

gotta go study!!!

tata..

Paint Splashed<3
12:02 PM

home alone now..
i'm happy with the peace and quiet..:)
anyway..
decided to upload pics of the stuff he gave me for anniversary last sat..:)
yes yes..
2yrs le and i'm proud of it..:))
the thing was part of the whole thing la..
but sadly..
its too BIG to scan!!!!
sobs..
cos its a heart shape..
so even more difficult..:(
cant fit the whole thing into my scanner..
so only parts of it..
most parts of it i mean..
anyway..
well..
here it is..
his masterpiece..:P

this is the content..

left side of the 'card'..

filled with love.. aww..

cant see the whole thing..:(

this is the left side of the 'card'..

lotsa meaningful words that made me cry..:P

this is the front cover..

and its damn nice!

love the cover!!!

white background so cant really see..

but i love it you see..:)

and the actual thing looks really nice..:)
dunno whether it looks nice on blogger a not..

but well..

its my opinion that matters the most..

HAHA..

love him to bits..:)

Paint Splashed<3
11:22 AM

Friday, February 22, 2008

i teared just now..
just one tear..
it came out though i tried hard not to let it..
its not me this time..
its my sis..
i watched her cry..
i sympathise with her..
i cant understand my parents..
really..
i totally surrender..
just cos she has a guy's msg in her inbox doesn't mean she has a bf for goodness sake..
and he's just a stupid class tee maker that she contacts..
and i even know him and his no..
so what if he's just a yr older..
damn it man..
and its her phone for heaven's sake..
invade privacy until like that..
even call up that guy..
crazy..
she told them everything and they still insist she's lying..
like wth..
i cant stand it..
and my another sis's friend is that guy's freaking gf..
wtf la..
whats going on in my life man..
this kinda parents..
dunno what they're trying to do..
cant even have guy friend..
think its best to be homos in my family..
and to think they say they'll allow if you have bf..
HAHAHA
biggest joke of the century man..
cannot have guy friend but can have bf..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i dun blame my sis for raising her voice cos irritated..
but i hate it when my mum do that to her..
painful de okay..

i watched the whole thing..
like a movie..
and i teared..
cos it hurts inside..
seeing the way my parents behave and react..
its stupid..
i had always hoped that they'll understand us one day..
but now..
i just surrender..

a tear summarises everything i feel..

Paint Splashed<3
9:21 PM

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

i think my dad is always pmsing nowadays..
he's unhappy just cos my mum told him to wait cos she wanna talk to her pri sch friend overseas on msn..
a bit also unhappy and pissed off..
whatever la..
men and their hormones..

anyway..
my fever is alot better le!!!!!!!
actually my fever is gone!!!
yay!!:D
all thanks to bryan and his mum..
really..
cos i didnt really tell my parents abt my fever cos of some reasons..
and so he and his mum really really took care of me..:)
especially his mum..
i was really touched by his mum..
she literally did everything she could to help me recover..
the 'mo dan', the porridge, the medicine, giving me new clothes to change when i sweat, checking on me every now and then to see if my fever had gone down and more..
and bryan took day off to accompany me to see doc and paid the bills for me too..
and his sis kept me company the whole day talking to me and stuff..:)
and i forced her to eat her food faster..:P
haiz..
they're really really very very nice..
except maybe sometimes he has a mean mouth..:PPPP
but i dunno how to tell my parents what they did for me..
i really hope they'll understand and maybe appreciate it one day..
when my parents say bad things abt them..
i really feel damn unfair for them..
its like my parents think they're not gd..
and my parents always think they're right..
but my parents nv know what they actually did for me..
even when they know abt some things..
they'll say "its his responsibility mah"
sad..
but i'm sure my parents will see the light one day..
dun be upset k?
they're very traditonal and like my sis say "mountain tortoises"..
so takes time de..
k?
meanwhile just know that me and my sis know what you all did..
and i REALLY appreciate it!!!!!
thank you!!!:)
love ya all..:)

and thanks shirlyn too for your concern..:)
love ya gal..:)

thats all for now..
tata..

Paint Splashed<3
9:37 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2008

was sick since thurs..
first it was my swollen eyes..
making me single eye lidded and damn ugly..
den friday my eyes got a bit better..
back to double lids..
den it was fever for me..
goodness..

went to chinese garden after my eyes got a bit better..:)
was fun and nice..:)
den fri night was horrible..
my temp shot up to 39.2!!!!!
den i got a bit better but still was still 37.9..

went to his hse ytd for mini family gathering..
saw all his relatives and had steamboat dinner..
at first was better den i was so cold when i was coming home..
thanks for taking care of me dear..:)

and now its 39.2 again..
the sounds were all so distant when i woke up this morning..
coughed like dying..
and now i'm so cold when its so hot..
wearing jacket..
going to rest le..
hope i get better tmr..
if not going to see doc le..
i was eating panadol for like 4days continuous..

gotta go slp le..
thats all..
dying..
feel like vomiting..

i so wish you can take leave tmr and go see doc with me..:(
half day also can..
and i got no money also..
sobs..

tata..

Paint Splashed<3
10:15 AM

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

i wanna drive a car..
just like my dad..
and i wanna drive the way he drives..
cos his driving is damn cool!!!
i love the way my dad is so so fast on the road..
super daring but yet careful and drives with style..
overtaking all the other cars..
knowing when to swerve and when to brake..
and sometimes swerving instead of braking so there wont be car crash..
his skills are woo hoo~!
love it when he's on the highway..:)
i wanna watch f1..
no..
more like i wanna listen to the sound of the tyres wheering by so quickly..
but its too ex..
haha..
i think i like cars..
cos of my dad..:)

i am so gonna learn to drive like my dad..
be as daring and as fast as him..:))
he's the best driver in the world!!!!!!!:)

Paint Splashed<3
10:19 PM

Monday, February 11, 2008

think i'm getting fat..
ate too much!!!
haha..:P
and i wanna watch movie..
kungfu dunk..
and my sis told me to watch ps i love you..
dunno what movie that is..
but she said its only on show every thurs..
dunno la..
shall wait till i have more money first..
haha..:P

the 16th is coming soon!!!
after so long..
and we're still becoming closer..
even more than ever..
haha..:)

Paint Splashed<3
3:35 PM

back from malaysia!!
had lotsa fun there..
haha..:)
went visiting quite a few days..
the rest were ppl coming to my hse in malaysia..
haha..
on the first night me, my sis and the girl next door played the fireworks together..
it was so fun!!!
we lighted the thing and ran back and it was so loud my mum kept getting shocks..
haha..
den went to my second uncle's hse on second day of new yr..
and my sis were soooooo excited..
cos can see my cousins..
cos they're good looking you see..
lol..:P
then came back and my cousin and her family came to stay over in the third day with her baby!!
so cute la!
he keep wanting me to carry him..
haha..
on the third night it was a steamboat dinner at my hse!!!
and alot of ppl came..
my relatives, cousins, neighbours..
and we were serving them and the drinks were either green tea or beer..
well..
you know what we drank la huh..
haha..:P
and one of my good looking cousins came and he played with the baby..
den my sis came and told me " dun you wish you were the baby..."
LOL!!
she's really crazy over him..
haha..
last day we went to my aunt's hse and met my third uncle and his family there..
good looking cousins again..
lol..
and my neighbour that uncle's friends ar..
dunno why all super young de..
like 20 plus yr olds when he's 40 plus le..
but anyway..
we concluded malaysia guys are not bad looking..
lol..
many funny stuffs happened la..
and my sis also concluded the relatives of my dad's side whether guy or girl are all not bad looking de..
even those a bit older also..
"its in the genes" was the explanation she gave..
-_-
oh ya..
my dad saw his sec sch friends too!
funny looking..
haha..
okay..
enough of nonsense..
if not somebody gonna give me black face le..
oops..

anyway..
i gotta catch up with work..
especially maths..
i'm lacking behind by 2 freaking chapters!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goodness..
aaargh!!!!!!!!!

and oh ya..
i went to watch chang jiang 7 at malaysia..
aiyo..
not worth the money de..
no content..
but its quite emotional la..
i cried twice during the movie..
haha..
but its only 8RM!!
like 3 plus sing dollars only!!
haha..
but the cinema was horrible..
the seats not gd..
plus the ppl throw their litter everywhere..
and its freaking dark!
you cant even find your seats or see the steps or the floor and no little lights to illuminate the alphabets la!
appreciate the singapore cinemas ppl..
its 100 times better!
haha..

and there was a blackout on the first day of cny after we finish playing the fireworks..
my parents all went to slp le and me and my sis were listening to the radio and one of my sis fell asleep at the sofa..
den suddenly the music and fan stopped and all was dark..
and i really mean DARK!!!
we all didnt dare to move at all..
we just stayed in that position on the sofa..
cos it was way too dark..
it was so dark we couldn't even see our fingers!
and my eyes were painful from all the straining to adjust to the dark to see..
but we couldn't adjust to anything cos its too dark..
den my mum came out and we told her and we groped in the dark for the door and torchlight..
and we slept in the heat!!!!!
the electricity only came back 2hrs later..
goodness..
and everybody were outside using the torches shining the light everywhere..

overall we had lotsa fun..
and we went to feed the monkeys at tanjung too..
peanuts, oranges and all..
no cage no nothing..
the monkeys just come out from the trees and you just throw food to them..
haha..
fun..:)
and we went to the seaside at the new tanjung too..
the breeze and the sea was nice..:)

but horrible horrible mosquito bites!!!!!!!!!:(

i dun like the life back in spore..
so stressful..
work, school blah blah blah..
in malaysia better..
you can wake up late, go eat nice porridge, go home pluck weeds, slack here and there, sleep and play..
and i love the front lawn of my hse..
the air is so nice!:)

okay..
really enough of my crap le..
but have to be in spore la..
cos some impt ppl are here..
haha..:)

my entry is too long i guess..
haha..
but i like it..
bleh!
whatever la..
cant stand my nonsense too..

okay..
thats all for now..

tata!!!

Paint Splashed<3
2:09 PM

Thursday, February 7, 2008

going malaysia tmr for cny..
i mean later..
haha..
think there'll be alot of ppl there ba..
relatives and my dad's friends..
had reunion dinner hours ago..
was a happy and fun and nice one..:)
but i'm feeling neutral now after reading a few ppl's blog and some other things..
dunno why..
haha..
maybe its the feeling of missing out on some things if i go msia tmr ba..
or maybe just hmm..
i dun like the owner of the blog..
and another person..
haha..
whatever la..
i'm like spouting nonsense..
haha..

anyway..
breathless is such a nice song!!!!!
i just keep listening to it..
haha..:)

thats all for now..
i'll be back soon..
on sunday..

time waits for no one..

dunno why i tend to feel the feelings i hate to feel..
i've been tryin hard to put it aside and not feel it but it still comes!!!
aaargh!
be gone!!!
get away from my life..
our life..
so i can feel the peace again..

tata..

Paint Splashed<3
1:55 AM

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

changed blog song to ain't no party by orsons!!!
nice!!!:)
tmr's cny eve..
so fast..
haha..
and i got lotsa work to do..:(((
anyway..
happy cny everyone!!!
enjoy while there's still time!!!:)

thats all!

tata..

Paint Splashed<3
9:31 PM

Saturday, February 2, 2008

i screamed
i yelled
but nobody heard
the tears streamed down
but nobody saw
i pounded the sofa
but nobody knew
i feel frustrated
but nobody cared
but no
somebody saw
or rather something saw
something knew

if only walls could talk

Paint Splashed<3
9:10 AM

Friday, February 1, 2008

went to donna's hse today after school with radha..
was fun!!:)
i was a bit scared at first but was okay after that..:P
den her mum made lunch so we went to take some..
the food was nice!:)
there was sambal with quail's eggs and curry and chicken and vege..
i think i ate quite alot..
but radha ate more than me..:P
and i ate indian style!!!
using hands!!!!
at first donna gave me the utensils but since they're not using so i just ate the same way as them..
haha..
it was fun la..:)
and radha taught me how to eat!
but i was still the slowest..
haha..
i'm eating slower and slower nowadays..
dunno why..
den we saw debbie..
a chinese girl her mum babysits..
woah..
she speaks tamil most of the time and refuse to speak chinese though she knows how to..
haha..
and her english is indian style also..
haha!
so funny la..
even donna doesn't have that kinda accent..
haha..
den we went to ntuc and bought strawberries!!!!!!!!!!!
yum!

den we went for class bbq at 5 plus at rashal's hse..
took 4 buses altogether!
cos we took the wrong bus la..
and we took so long to get there when its actually not very far..
i didnt stay for very long..
but i helped in lighting the charcoal..
it took such a long time and i fanned too hard and the fire just went off..
lol..
in the end we were so desperate that we turned to burning tissue papers and putting them on the charcoal and fire starters..
haha!
so funny la!
i was having fun lighting the matches with may ching and ka jiaoing max and jeremy and talking to peng tiong..:P
den i had to leave soon..:((((((
sobs..
but i had lotsa fun today!!!:)

thats all for now..

tata!!!

Paint Splashed<3
10:19 PM